Advice - Write into Ian. Please.

Hello all my wonderful readers. Something terrible happened this week. Despite your love of the blog you have failed me and send me know letters seeking out advice. Now I know that there is a possibility is was because you did not see my email (did I mention it's Ian_Mullan@hotmail.com). In case you didn't see it there it is! So easy just click and send. But until next week (when I will obviously have a flood of emails from you (right?) I will go back to my old stand-by: Ian answers other people's mail. So this week I crack some answers open for a question some other people have already answered:

I am currently going through a break-up with my fiancée. We have been engaged for 1 year and were supposed to get married this coming May.
However, we have been dealing with a recurring problem for 2 years that has caused all kinds of problems. This is obviously a trust issue.
It all began when I had the habit of staring (at women), and I did not realize I was doing it until she came down on me for doing so. I immediately agreed to it, but she started to feel insecure about herself and blamed me for it.
Then, I switched jobs to where a friend of my older sister worked. I knew her from a long time and had a cordial relationship (work relationship).
My fiancée started to accuse me of having a crush on her because supposedly, I spoke about her a lot. Anyway, I got really annoyed at the situation and I started trying to protect her from her insecurities.
The worst thing I could have ever done was when we all had a work trip to the UK, in which this girl had to go as well, and I decided to tell my fiancée that she was not going so I did not have to make her upset.
Well, the trip got cancelled and I accidentally told her that we we're not going and since then, she thinks that I was planning on doing something to her with this other girl. What can I do?
I tried to make things easier and somehow it came out worse. There are other similar cases but she cannot get over these insecurities. The fact is that I am so in-love with my fiancee and have been trying to make her happy and spend all of the time with her.
She recently told me that she wanted time because she feels bad about herself, not pretty enough, and thinks that I am not into her when the reality is the COMPLETE opposite. It has been over 2 weeks and I tried talking to her but it gets worse. What can I do?
I love this woman with everything I've got and don't want to have to end this when we are 2 people that love each other so much. I did speak with her mother and she suggested that I stay away as I was being to available to her?!?!
What can I do? I love her to death and I am feeling like somebody cut my heart out.
Please excuse the length of this e-mail. Any suggestions as what I can do will be greatly appreciated.

Dear 'Married in May you'll rue the day'
Well, right off the bat I have to say: "what the fuck were you thinking?!" You 'love her to death' yet you lied about a business trip? For what purpose? Why, why, why?
First of all to address your wandering eye, the fact that she called you on it was bad taste on your part. To say that when you enter a relationship you never think about what it would be like with another person is ludicrous. Of course you will notice the attractiveness of another person, but commitment is based on refraining to act on this attraction and having the good taste not to discuss the attractiveness of the other person or be caught looking at the other person. A lot of people for this reason are chill with porn in a relationship. As much as you stare at those images, your hands are tied from acting on it because they have no idea who you are...annd no one looks that airbrushed in real life.
That said, it sounds to me like her insecurities are beyond a few glances and nice conversation with another woman. In the high stress of marriage on the horizon you not-looking like the exemplary version of a long-term model gave her second thoughts and insecurity. And maybe you're not ready if you didn't pay her the decency of being totally honest and transparent, and she wasn't mature enough to take you at your word.
Those conversations, and an intense work relationship still counts as emotional infidelity. Just because you weren't sleeping with her you coming home and talking about great work conversations with this woman to your fiancee -- rather than having a great conversation with your fiancee was stupid, stupid, stupid.
So it's over for good reason. You both need to learn from this and move on. She will hold you on a leash for your past indiscretions and you will feel badgered unless you both get a fresh start. And for the love of all that's good, don't end up with this work friend unless you want to be found murdered in your bed by an ex-fiancee. I have been watching a lot of unsolved mysteries, I know how it works.

You can get some Ian advice by writing Ian_Mullan@hotmail.com The advice column runs on Tuesday so have your letter in by Sunday.