Advice- To the advisors out there.

Dear Ian,
I seem to be falling into a pattern lately. It seems that I have been attracting very needy, clingy individuals. I try to be a friendly person and treat everyone with dignity and respect, but it turns out I am quickly becoming a hospital for wounded souls. Now, I've checked my facebook and no where does it say, "Are you lonely? Need someone to talk to? Message me and/or find me in person you random facebook creeper!" So what is going on here? I can't change who I am, and I would feel so guilty hurting anyone.
Uber Scared of Everything Desperate

Dear Desperate,
My attention is drawn to "I would feel so guilty hurting anyone." That is not always the best plan when you give advice. "Dignity", "respect" these are important things to keep in mind when dishing your views and attitudes, but sometimes it's good to be realistic, no-nonsense and cut to the point. Maybe these clingy friends come to you because you're going to tell them it'll be all-right, that all their decisions have been good ones, and that they are a beautiful unique blah blah blah. Right, I agree--kind of. You don't tell a seven year old the reason she's failing math is maybe she's not good at it and she should focus on her strengths...like playing house. She's seven, maybe she's not good at it but you need grade nine math to survive in the world (hard or not hard) and playing house will not pay for a house.
These people you talk to--I doubt they're kids anymore. If they make the same mistakes call them on it. If they are seeking you out as some "hospital for wounded souls" wound their soul some more, get them on the defensive because if they're defensive they're going to do something for themselves--something you don't have to hold their hand through. Or sometimes you need to say: "maybe you're not good at that" or "maybe you should stop doing that." At this point they have the basic building blocks of living. They are familiar with the concept of right and wrong and what works for them. If they are looking for advice it can be broken into four solutions 1) Stop doing it 2) Keep doing it 3) Manage it 4) Shut the fuck up and stop complaining. Often people imagine a fifth option, the: Listen to me rant about this. The fifth option is a short term option which you should tolerate for one week, tell them your piece and wash your hands of it. You get dragged in (in a bad way) when you're constantly being asked approval for each petty piece of the puzzle.
For problems that have solutions tell them your course of action in very defined terms and be done with it. I know that some people have issues with depression and counseling or medication is the proper route. But giving someone advice to seek that advice is still good advice. Don't get sucked in.

You can write to Ian for advice at Ian_Mullan@hotmail.com I will respond to all letters.